Camp Recovery
by shady stays gold
Summary: At Camp Recovery, a rehab camp, everything will change. Johanna may seem like nothing but a sarcastic drug addict trying to recover. Cato may seem like nothing but a violent boy with severe anger issues trying to recover. But together, they're something brilliant. "Love is only a word. You bring it definition." (I don't own that Eminem quote!)
1. Why Are You Here?

**I know, I know what you're thinking. 'Why is she writing another fanfic? Holy shit, she's already writing You Can't Hide, Pieces in the Game, The FanFiction Games, The Tribute's Graveyard, Nightmares That Are Life, Hungry for the Hunger Games, and Random Hunger Games Parodies.' **

**Well, you're right! I am! And yes, that makes 7 fanfics! And adding on this one makes 8! **

**Let me explain something here: The Tribute's Graveyard, Random Hunger Games Parodies, and both my SYOTs are really easy to write. I can update those anytime I feel like. Hungry for the Hunger Games, You Can't Hide, and Nightmares That Are Life are harder to write. **

**I'm experiencing writers block (we all get it :( ) for Nightmares That Are Life, but I'm going to update it in around 5 days. So as I'm trying to get inspired, I'll write this! And of course, I'll write it for fun. **

**Onto the story!**

* * *

**Johanna Mason's POV**

"Ain't there some little girl gettin' out here?" drawls the city bus driver, whose name tag reads Haymitch Abernathy. I wake with a start- not because I'm the girl, but because he called me 'little'. After all, I'm 22.

"That's me," I snap. "Who are you calling little?"

"Oh- uh, sorry, sugar," says Haymitch. "You're getting off at the Camp Recovery stop, aren't you?"

"Damn right," I say, grabbing my bags. "Out of my way, bitch," I snarl at a toddler. I only then notice that the bus stop for Camp Recovery is two miles away from the real camp. I turn back to the bus driver, ignoring the crying little girl. "Can you drive me to the-"

"Not on my life," he says, his ruddy face getting even redder with anger. "Rules, sweetheart. On the bus, no swearing- especially not to children- and no loud music."

"It helps me sleep," I say. He doesn't buy it. Of course he doesn't. Hell, I don't even buy it.

"Let's take a vote," Haymitch says, turning so he's facing the people on the bus. We stare back at him. "Raise your hand if you think that loud, explicit, profane _rapping _helps you sleep."

No one raises my hand.

"Guess you're alone," Haymitch says rudely to me. "Get off before I call authorities." I clench my hands on my bags and stomp out. The bus speeds away as soon as I'm off it.

I look up. Huge sign, in a slight arc above me. In block letters, it reads CAMP RECOVERY.

_Why are you here? _It reads under it in the same cheerful letters.

"Because they caught me in the bathroom emptying the medicine cabinet and swallowing it all," I say under my breath. I doubt anyone comes here for fun. I bet we're all forced, either by our parents or the court. For me, it was the latter.

My shoes scuff on the ground, and the soles are getting worn down. I don't care, though. I can steal someone else's at camp.

* * *

I reach the camp two hours later than I should've because of my stunt on the bus._ I mean,_ I think as I stand behind a tree, _I know Eminem has explicit lyrics, but seriously? I'm just another drug addict that's trying to recover.  
_

_So of course, since I'm so wise, I listen to songs about drugs. _

"Ohhhhhhhhhh," sings a high-pitched voice. "Why does love always feel like a-" the voice cuts off. Does the person see me? "Hello? Anyone out there?" says the voice. They sound kind of strained. I peek through the tree. The person is a woman with tied-back strawberry blonde hair. She looks a little nervous. "I command you to show yourself." _My, my,_ I think sarcastically. _So formal. _

Grudgingly, I drag myself and my bags out from behind the tree. "Johanna Mason," I say. "I was late for registration."

"Oh!" says the woman. "Well, that's fine! May I ask... where were you?"

"Walking," I say to her. I hate her already.

"I see," she says, pursing her lipstick-smeared lips. "Okay, might as well check you over! I'm Effie Trinket, the second camp director."

"There're two camp directors?" Goddammit, one is bad enough.

"Of course!" she says. "The other you'll meet very soon. Come on now, dearie! I'll take that," she adds, taking my smallest bag. Instantly, I snatch it back from her. It's reflex, considering what's in it.

"No!" snarl at her. Then I take a breath. "I mean, um, I can carry it."

"Dearie," says Effie. "We're going through your bags anyway." My eyes widen. I didn't think they'd do _that_. I thought I'd at least have my stash of pills to cope with.

Effie grasps my wrist and hauls me and my bags toward a small building. It seems pretty bare-bones from the outside. Inside is no different. It's clean, but pretty rustic. Inside stands a slightly tall man with a red face and darting eyes. "This is Cray Johnson, the other director."

"Hey," I say to the floor as Effie pries my bags out from my grasp. She opens my small bag.

"Pills... tsk, tsk... crack pipe... pot..." she mutters, going through my bag of drug memorabilia.

My face is turning as red as Cray's.

Speaking of Cray, he's staring at me. It's really creeping me out, even though I'm used to being stared out. When I glare at him, he picks up my backpack. Oh, shit.

Effie names objects as Cray tosses them on a table. "Shirt... jeans... socks... pajama pants... underwear..." My face turns bright red as Cray sets all my sex toys on the table. "Johanna Mason! This is what we discourage here!" gasps Effie. Then she goes back to muttering. "Yet another pill bottle... shirt... iPod-" She picks up my iPod. "I'll have to see what kind of music you have on here."

"Calming music," I say sweetly. Thank God she hasn't found my _other _iPod. Then again, I doubt they do strip searches.

"Like what?" Effie asks suspiciously.

"Like lullabies," I say innocently. "You know, Deep In The Meadow, The Hanging Tree. Stuff like that." Effie nods approvingly. At least I thought ahead and stole my little sister's iPod. Then Effie starts her muttering. "Toothbrush... toothpaste..."

After about half an hour, we're done. All my sex toys and drug memorabilia have been locked in a cabinet. "Well, Johanna. You're in Cabin Five. It's the second-biggest, right by the tennis court."

I hoist my bags onto my shoulders and walk down to my new home for the summer.

* * *

Right outside the door, two things happen.

I have a moment of hesitation. I stand outside the flimsy door on the lone stone step, about to open it. What if my cabin mates are total bitches? What if they treat us like little kids here? After all, I'm old enough to be a camp counselor at any other camp, but here, I'm just old enough to be a camper.

Then the migraine headache hits full force.

I double over and drop all my bags. I think I might've fallen off the step. I press my hands to my temples and whimper as blinding white streaks of light flash through my vision. One hand covers my eyes so the light won't hurt as bad. It's still antagonizing. The other hand shakes as it roots around in my pocket for the pills that I hid in there. I find only one. They must've fallen out of my pocket. Then my shaking hand drops it in the dirt by me.

I can't help it then. I start to scream.

* * *

**Cato's POV **

I was told that there was a girl late to registration. Two hours I waited. I needed to get a glimpse of her. I sat casually on the step in front of Cabin Six, wearing the jeans that all of my old flames said made me look sexy. Then I saw her. Trinket cornered her behind a tree. I couldn't hear them talking. Then she came out.

She was beautiful. She had spiky, short dark brown hair, wide eyes that I couldn't tell the color of, and beautiful light skin. She had a striking quality about her. She was a few inches shorter than me. And her body... fuck, she was fucking perfection. Slender, but still curvy, wearing tight jeans and a slightly loose shirt that clung to her chest.

I knew that she was going to be something special.

I couldn't help it- I sat on that step watching her walk to her cabin. I was really hoping she'd be in Cabin Five, the closest girls cabin to Six. The guys get the even numbered cabins, the girls get the odd numbers. There're twelve cabins. There used to be thirteen, but an arsonist from three years ago burnt it to the ground.

I wondered what her thing was. After all, Camp Recovery wasn't just any camp. People from ages 12-22 come here. And only if we have some sort of problem. We've got sex addicts, arsonists, suicidals, people with anger issues -like me- drunks, addicts, people with eating disorders, and pretty much every other problem you can think of. I wouldn't peg her for a drunk or an anorexic. Probably sex addict.

That's when I heard her screaming.

I got the hell up from that step and ran to her cabin. She was collapsed on the ground, reaching for a small white object on the ground. I picked it up and knew what she was. I tossed it into the trash. I knelt down beside her to see if she had a pulse. She did, but it was faint.

I brought the standard Camp Recovery metal whistle out from under my shirt and blew into it.

And now here I am, by this unconscious new girl."CRAY! EFFIE! NEW GIRL HAD A WITHDRAWAL!" I scream at the top of my lungs. I shake her. Her head tips to the side.

"Oh God, please wake up," I hiss. 21 people have died at Camp Recovery. Mostly suicidal people hanging themselves in the showers. I really don't want this girl to be the 22nd. "Wake up!"

Effie runs down the hill toward the cabins. "Oh my!" she says, breathing heavily as her she runs. "Johanna, dearie? Can you hear me?" Johanna. That's her name.

"Johanna?" I ask her. "Wake up." She doesn't respond.

"Camp hospital, Cato," says Effie, breathing hard. "Take her there. Dr. Aurelius will fix her up in no time." I grab Johanna and lift her over my shoulder. I start running up the hill. Her head knocks against my shoulder. Damn, I wish this hill was shorter. And less steep.

I run into the camp hospital. "Dr. Aurelius!" I exclaim. "She's new -Johanna Mason- she's having a withdrawal- and-" I'm breathing too hard to continue. I'm in shape, but that hill is sure a workout running up with a girl in your arms.

"It's all right, Cato," he says kindly. "Sit down here, have a glass of water." I accept the water.

"Is she gonna be okay?" I ask after taking a sip of water. I press the cold glass against my forehead, and the condensation trickles down my face.

"I think she will be, Cato," says Dr. Aurelius. "You don't need to worry about her." I sit there, drinking my water, staring at her. She's even sexier up close. I find myself studying the curve of her breasts against her shirt, the way her lips are slightly open...

_Cato! _I mentally scream at myself. _You're here to recover, not make it worse! _But she's so beautiful. Her long legs are still bent from me carrying her. Something sticks out of the bottom of her shirt. At the moment, I don't care what it is. Dr. Aurelius is getting medicine, so I stand up and pull it out. It's an iPod. Why did she have it up her shirt? Oh, yeah. Effie's rules about explicit music.

I slip it into my pocket, stare at her one more time, and walk out of the camp hospital.

That way she'll have to come to to get it back, and she'll have to talk to me.

* * *

**If you've read Random Hunger Games Parodies or Hungry for the Hunger Games, then you know that I'm a huge fan of Eminem. I couldn't help making Johanna be a fan, too. Also, Camp RECOVERY is kind of a nod to Eminem (one of his albums is called Recovery.) Plus, I just like the word, and it fits. **

**Review! I'd love to know what you think of my first modern-day fanfic so far! **


	2. Making Friends

**Thanks for reading my earlier chapter. If you bothered... :D Thanks to the reviewers, Catching Fireflies and Guest. Thanks to KingSquatch for following and Catching Fireflies for favoriting. **

* * *

**Johanna Mason's POV**

I've never been so embarrassed in my whole life.

Sure, I've thrown up on my mother's antique lamp. Sure, I've dropped my makeup purse in a toilet. Sure, last year I walked in on my parents fucking in their room. Sure, when I was a few months old, I ate a crayon. Sure, when I was in 9th grade, I was playing truth or dare, picked dare, and had to fuck a girl. Sure, I threw up when I was having oral sex a few years ago. Sure, I got kicked out of school when I was busted smoking pot in the bathrooms.

But now? I go to this fucking camp to 'recover' and I end up having a withdrawal and fainting on the cabin steps. Everyone was watching! And now, my real iPod, the one with all the Eminem songs on it, is missing. I had it stuffed up my bra, but it probably fell out. Or maybe Dr. Aurelius gave it to Effie and Cray to lock in that cabinet with all my drugs.

My bags wait neatly on the sidewalk in front of the cabin. Strange. Effie said they'd be inside the camp hospital with Dr. Aurelius. I wonder who took them down.

It's around eight-thirty when I pick up my bags and open the door to my new home. Cabin Five. It's strange, I feel like it should be later. Oh well, maybe that's just another side effect of the drugs.

"And that little bitch was like, 'Gingers don't have souls', so then I beat the shit out of-" says a voice. Then they see me.

"Oh, you're... her," says a blonde girl, wrinkling her nose.

"'Her' has a name. It's Johanna Mason, not 'her'," I snap at the blonde girl. I already hate her.

"Well, then, Johanna Mason, your bunk's over there," says the girl snappishly. "Poor Amy, she's got to share with you," she mutters. A redheaded girl looks up at the sound of her name.

"Better than sharing a bunk with a bitch like you," says Amy rudely to the blonde. "Sorry if you wanted the bottom bunk." Everyone staring at me, I walk over to the bunk and throw my bags on it. Then I climb up the ladder and sit on the bunk casually. The staring gradually subsides after that. I root around in my duffel bag, wondering if my iPod somehow ended up in there.

I hear a noise and look down. Right under me, a younger black girl and the redhead- Amy, are talking. "Hey, Rue," says Amy loudly, purposefully. Rue must be the small black girl. "D'ya think we should show Johanna around?" Rue shrugs.

"If she wants to, she just has to follow us," she says, getting up. I realize that they're hinting for me to join them. Amy looks up at me and raises an eyebrow.

"Oh, that's cool," I say. "I'm coming." I jump down from my bunk and follow Rue and Amy out the cabin.

We walk out of earshot of the cabins, walking up the hill and toward the tennis court. When we get there, Rue sits down on the hot blacktop. Me and Amy both sit too.

"Well," says Rue awkwardly. "We know your thing, but you don't know ours. Only fair." I nod. They must mean why we had to come here. "One question, though. Effie said something about a bit of sex addiction?"

"Uh, yeah," I say. "It's not that bad, though."

"Gotcha," says Amy, tossing her red hair. For some reason, she reminds me of a fox. "Well, I'm here because I threatened to shoot my mother and myself a few years back. This is my third year here."

"Wait," I say, confused. "I thought that we only had to come for one year." More than a year? That'd be hell itself.

"Nope," says Amy. "Until we're deemed 'recovered'." She makes quote marks in the air with her fingers. "Or we get too old for the camp."

"What happens if someone's not recovered then?" I ask. I wasn't told any of this.

"We become counselors," says Amy. "Like Brutus, Wiress -well, she's a cook, but she used to be a counselor- Lyme, Cecelia. There's tons more."

"Stop blabbing, Foxface," says Rue.

"Foxface?" I ask, confused. I feel like a little kid with all my questions.

"Oh, yeah. Glimmer -that's that blonde girl who was being a total bitch to you- started calling her that as soon as they met, a year ago, and the nickname stuck. Just call her Amy, though," says Rue. "Anyway, I'm supposedly 'recovering' from being anorexic."

"Oh," I say, feeling kind of awkward. "You don't seem, like, dangerously skinny, though." With that, Rue unabashedly pulls up her shirt, revealing the skinniest stomach I've seen in my life. "Oh," I say again. "Um... sorry."

"Nah, it's fine," says Rue. "I was actually homeless until I was ten. Then I got anorexic around when I turned 14, because I thought I was wasting food my family should've gotten." We're quiet for a second, not wanting to say something that would seem rude. "So... how old are you? I'm 15," says Rue.

"I'm 22," I say. "I guess I better recover this year. How old are you, Amy?" Anything to move on from the awkward situation.

"21," Amy says. "Actually, I'll be turning 22 this summ-" Before she can finish, a loud bell sounds.

"DINNER!" chirps Effie, standing on the top of the hill. "Oh, hello, you three. Getting acquainted?" She stares pointedly at me, like I might be doling out pot or something.

"Yeah," I say. "I think we're gonna be good friends." I say that purely for Effie's benefit. She beams. Campers flood out of the cabins and run up the hill toward the 2nd biggest building. I assume that's the mess hall.

"C'mon," says Amy. "Let's go." We follow everyone up the hill. There's a lot more people than I expected, actually. There's around two hundred.

Suddenly, I see someone I recognize. Faintly. It's a boy my age with blonde hair, light skin, and bulging muscles. He stares back at me.

"Hey," I say, poking Rue. "Who's that?" I try to point in a subtle way, but it doesn't really work. The boy turns to his crowd of friends and laughs with a serious-looking black guy.

"Oh, him?" Rue says. "That's Cato. Funny you should ask."

"Why?" I ask as we walk toward the mess hall. Rue pauses outside.

"Thought you'd know of all people," she says. "He's the one who called for help when you fainted." Amy grins from my other side.

"Have to warn you... nah, you'll earn from Effie, Boggs, and Cray," she says. "Oh, God, Rue. I almost forgot about the campfires."

"How could you?" she asks ask we line up to get food. "They're my favorite part of the day." We get to the food line. A twitchy, white-haired lady wearing a blue hairnet glares at us suspiciously.

"Which one of you is the overseer?" she asks, looking at Rue.

"Oh!" says Amy, raising her hand like she's in school. "That's me. Don't worry, Wiress," she adds. "I'll shove that food down her throat if I have to." Rue looks doubtfully at the ham-and-cheese sandwiches. Amy pats Rue's head like she's petting a dog. "Good girl. Oh, Johanna, this is Wiress. Wiress, I'll be this one's overseer too until she gets over the withdrawal."

"Overseer? What?" I ask, totally confused, holding the flimsy plastic tray.

"If you're having a withdrawal or a hangover, or you're bulimic or anorexic, then someone needs to make sure you eat," explains Amy, grabbing three sandwiches and putting one on each of our trays. "That someone's me, since I'm just suicidal. By the way, Wiress, how's the electricity?"

"Running well," she says, smiling. "Now move on, girls."

"Her and Beetee -one of the janitors- work on the electricity," says Rue, turning down a bag of chips. "They're- what the fuck, Foxface?" she spits as Amy snatches the chips and forces them onto Rue's tray.

"Hey, sorry," Amy says. "Overseer here, doing her job." Rue glares. It's my turn to glare when Amy sets an apple on my tray. "Sorry, damn," she grumbles. "Wiress threatened to electrocute our who cabin at midnight last year when I let Rue skip a meal." We shuffle toward one of the tables and sit down. They're very long, like the cafeteria tables at my middle school-

"Damn," I say out loud.

"What?" asks Rue, picking moodily at her sandwich.

"Nothing," I say quickly. "Just... I... all the people and the table kind of reminded me of school."

"This gives off really bad vibes, doesn't it?" agrees Amy.

"No, not that," I say, wishing I could just shut up. "It's just that... um, I quit school during tenth grade." Rue stares at me, astounded.

"Why?" Rue asks, taking a small bite of her sandwich. "I mean, like, you don't look like a farmer or anything."

"A farmer?" I can't help but say.

"Rue grew up in the Midwest. Wisconsin," explains Amy through a mouthful of potato chips. "Lots of people there're farmers, so they quit school to help their families."

"Oh, I get it," I say, managing a smile. "Well, I quit because I... um, I kind of got kicked out."

"Kind of?" asks Foxface- Amy. The nickname is so catchy that I nearly call her that.

"I did," I say, rephrasing. My withdrawal is making it hard for me to eat, but I manage a bite of my apple. "I was- fuck, who the hell just threw that?" I spin around when something hits my back. I look down and see a rock. I pick it up. Without thinking, I get up and storm over to the next table.

"What the hell?" I shout at the table in general. "Who the fuck threw that motherfucking rock?" Everyone looks over at me. It's mostly guys.

"Hey, he told me to," says the tall black guy that I saw talking to Cato. He points at Cato. "Didn't you read the note?" I turn over the rock. A piece of paper is taped on it.

"Did you bitches even get out of middle school?" I snap. "A _note_?" I stomp back to the table and sit down between Rue and Amy.

"Argh!" I groan, burying my head in my hands. "The fucking nerve!"

"Who was behind that one?" asks Rue, taking a sip of water. "Thresh always is throwing rocks at girls for all the guys. Well?" She nods at the rock. "Open the note. Can't wait to read this one."

"Yeah," agrees Amy. "Open it, Johanna."

"Fine," I say. "Don't make me regret talking to you." I say the last part jokingly as I take the note off the rock.

"Read it aloud," says a new voice. "They're always funnier that way." A girl my age sits down next to me. She grins wickedly. The first thing I notice is that her teeth are very, very sharp looking. "Oh, someone's trying to fuck the drug girl?"

"The drug girl has a name," I say. Damn, how many times will I have to say that? "It's Johanna."

"Well, Johanna," says the girl, flipping her loosely curled brown hair. "My name's Enobaria. And if you don't tell us all who that's from, then I will personally arrange for Finnick Odair to rape you."

"Who's Finnick?" I ask.

"Oh, forgot you're new. He's in Cabin Two. Sex addict," says Enobaria. "Lucky me, I'm in your cabin," she says. I guess I didn't notice her earlier. As if she's reading my mind, she says, "I'm a little bit anger issues, a little bit sex addict. Anyway. Open the damn note." I rip off the tape and the note opens.

"'Johanna'," I read. "'I have something of yours. If you want it back, meet me by the shooting range after the campfire.'"

"Ooh," says Enobaria sarcastically. "Who's it from?"

"Cato," I say. "I don't know what he's got, but-" Then I remember something. "My iPod," I say. "He probably took that while I was knocked out." I think of something else. "What kind of asshole puts their hand down an unconscious girl's shirt and takes her iPod?"

"Cato, Finnick, Thresh..." says Amy. "Well, pretty much everyone." I groan.

"Are you gonna meet him?" asks Rue.

"Um... I guess," I say. "I've done worse things."

"Hey," realizes Amy. "You never told us how you got kicked out of school!"

"Yeah, tell us," says Enobaria.

"Fine," I say. "First, I was just dealing drugs. Then it got so bad that I had to get high in school not to have a withdrawal. So, the superintendent was touring the school, and I was in the bathroom popping pills and smoking pot."

"Yikes," says Rue. "What happened then?"

"She came into the bathroom and found me," I say honestly. But I don't tell the full story.

* * *

** *FLASHBACK* **

I sat with my knees drawn up to my chest on the closed toilet seat, so that no one would see me. I reached down my shirt and pulled out a small pill bottle. I spilled four pills into my hand and swallowed them quickly. Almost instantly, the gradually increasing withdrawal symptoms ended. I let out at sigh of happiness and took out my bag of pot. I started to smoke it.

Suddenly, I heard loud footsteps. Whoever was walking closer was wearing high heels, and loud ones at that. The bathroom door creaked open.

"And these bathrooms are in all right shape-" said the principal's voice. I could feel my pulse racing as I heard the next voice.

"Oh, yes," they said frostily. "They are indeed."

It was the school district's superintendent.

Hurriedly, I stuffed my pill bottle back down my shirt and tried to shove the pot back in my pocket. But it wouldn't fit. I shoved and shoved, but I couldn't fit it in.

I heard stalls being opened. I was at the second-to-last stall out of sixteen. They'd opened about ten.

I hadn't had enough drugs to fully curb the withdrawal. My stomach was flopping around and churning. If only I could get the pot in my pocket, then I could just fake like I was a random, sick student that got sick before they reached the clinic.

Then my stall door opened.

I pictured myself. Wild eyes, unmistakably high, bag of pot sticking out of my pocket, sitting there, sick-looking.

"Get the school counselor," muttered the superintendent under her breath. The principal scurried off to find Mrs. Sanford. "Who are you?" asked Superintendent Potter.

For some reason, my throat went all dry. I tried to say my name, but I couldn't. Suddenly, bile filled my mouth and I threw up all over the bathroom floor. My hair, worn loose that day, got soaked along with my clothes. I felt tears stinging at my eyes.

_I came to school to get an education and then to get a job to feed my family, _I thought, tears streaming down my face. _And now look. I've fucked up again._

Hours later, I sat in the office with a trash can in my lap. Mrs. Sanford -the counselor- Superintendent Potter, and Principal Westerly stood over me sternly.

"You realize this is a direct violation of our most important school rules," said Mr. Westerly. I nodded shakily. "Good. And now for the consequences. May I see your student ID?"

I didn't want to give it to him. It was in my purse along with all the drugs I had ready to hand out to my classmates. And stupid me, I labeled them all with the kid's names.

Superintendent Potter reached into my purse and shook it out all over the ground. Numerous drugs fell out, along with my stupid student ID. Principal Westerly picked it up and checked my ID number. He typed something into his computer. I bit my lip. Then he threw my ID into the trash.

Even I knew what this meant.

* * *

"Attention!" says Effie loudly, jolting me back to the present time. "We have some announcements. As some of you know, we've started accepting rape victims this summer. All of you, stand up." A ton of girls and a few boys stand up. The one closest to us is a girl maybe four years younger than me with olive skin and a long brown braid. She looks at the ground nervously. "Thank you all. Also, campfire! For those of you that are new, stand up." All the rape victims stay standing. I stand up.

I hear a whistle from the direction of Cato and Thresh's gang.

"Welcome! I bet you'll have a great time," chirps Effie. "Anyway, Boggs will tell you about the campfires. For those of you new people -oh, and you can sit down- Boggs is the security guard."

Boggs turns out to be a middle-aged guy with close-cropped gray hair and a thin-lipped, grim smile. When he waves to us, he gets a round of applause.

"What's so awesome about him?" I ask Enobaria.

"Oh, he's great," says Enobaria happily. "He 'supervises' the campfire. We just do whatever we want while he wanders off somewhere in the woods. Then he reports to Effie and Cray and says we're well on the road to recovery. He's great."

I pretend like I understand this.

"Hello, campers," says Boggs gruffly. "As usual, no drugs, sex, stripping, alcohol, or any of that stuff. Not that you do that. You've been very compliant." Everyone claps. You can't even tell Boggs is lying. I definitely don't have a problem with him.

"Come on, let's go to that campfire," booms Thresh's voice.

Like we've been shot out of a cannon, we all get up and grapple for the first spot out of the mess hall.

It's not the campfire I'm nervous about. In fact, I'm pretty excited.

It's about who I'm going to meet after.

* * *

**Well, I gave it a shot. This got deleted by fanfiction while I was still writing it, so I had to write it over from memory. It's not as good as my poor lost first draft. **

**Could I get you to review? Come on, you know you want to...**


	3. Campfire

**Thanks to Catching Fireflies, TGPH, and shady66730 for reviewing! Nothing else to say, really...**

* * *

"Where are we going?" I ask no one in particular. It's so loud I go unheard. Then I run into someone when I'm shoved from behind and we both fall down on the ground.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry," I say. "Here." I get up and offer the girl who I knocked over a hand. I remember her as the olive-skinned rape victim. "What's your name, anyway?" I ask her, pulling her to her feet. We're behind the group now, so we start to walk together.

"Katniss Everdeen," she says softly. "Are you new, too?"

"Yeah," I say. "What cabin are you in?"

"Nine," she says. "I don't know anyone here." Normally I hate insecure, wimpy girls like Katniss, but now, considering she's been raped, I feel kind of sorry for her.

"Neither do I," I say. "Don't worry." I kick aside a clump of grass. "There's tons of new people."

"Most of them hate me," Katniss admits.

"Well, what'd you do?" I ask. She hesitates, and I add, "I bet it's not as bad as having a withdrawal and fainting on your cabin steps. Oh, and getting kicked off a city bus for cussing at a two-year-old and listening to Eminem."

"Um... well, I was walking by Cabin Eight, and I got kind of scared, you know? I mean, there's tons of sex addicts here," says Katniss. The words don't sting me too much, since I'm obviously not gay, but I kind of wince. "You're one?"

"It's not severe or anything," I assure her. "The real reason I'm here is because I'm a drug addict." _See? Good job, Johanna. You said it aloud. _

"Oh," says Katniss a bit shyly as we walk up a dirt path. "So, then, I kind of started to walk really fast. Then one of them comes out of there and I just kind of lose it, you know?" I nod. "So I run into my cabin as fast as I can -carrying two suitcases, by the way- slam the door, and trip over the carpet." I bite my lip. It's pretty mean, but I want to laugh.

"Let me guess," I say. "People are being bitches." Katniss nods. "Who?" We're catching up with the group again, so Katniss just points. A girl with slashes on her wrists and a wicked look. "Clove." A girl with silky blonde hair that looks like a model. "Cashmere."

"Why don't you just make fun of their names?" I ask Katniss. "That always works. I have an Enobaria and a Glimmer in my cabin." Katniss manages a shaky smile and keeps pointing. It's only when she points to a blonde guy and says, "Peeta" that I look at her weirdly.

"You have a co-ed cabin?" I ask. "I thought it was just girls bunk with girls, guys bunk with guys."

"Nope," says Katniss. "You're not allowed to be in a cabin with anyone you feel attracted to. And Peeta's gay, so he's in our cabin." I don't really know what to say to that, so it's good that right then Amy, Enobaria, and Rue find me.

"Where were you?" asks Rue. "Come on!"

"I tripped," I say. Katniss looks pretty awkward, so I say, "Oh yeah. Guys, this is Katniss."

"Hey, Katpiss," says Enobaria.

_"Katniss," _snaps Katniss, crossing her arms.

"Oh, sorry, Cactus," says Enobaria.

"Cut it out," I say to Enobaria. "You heard her say 'Katniss'." Enobaria glares at me. Katniss, Rue, and Amy have walked off already.

"Let's make a deal. You be nice to her, and I'll..." I say, trying to think of something.

"Meet Cato after campfire and the newbie initiation," finishes Enobaria.

"What?" I say, because I heard the words 'newbie initiation'. Last time I was 'initiated', I ended up joining a gang.

"Dammit, I wasn't really supposed to tell you," says Enobaria, biting her lip. "Well, for the new guys, we usually have them... well, you're not supposed to know. But it's over pretty quick, don't worry." Enobaria lowers her voice. "I wouldn't tell you this, but, Johanna, watch out for they guys. The initiation makes them do some crazy stuff."

"Uh, yeah," I say uncertainly. It's not like I haven't dealt with with male sex addicts before. "Deal. But what do they do to the girls?"

"Depends on how many new girls there are," says Enobaria vaguely as we catch up with the group.

"Holy shit..." I mutter under my breath.

There's your regular campfire circle, except it's _huge. _Enough to fit the whole camp around it in a one-rowed circle. In the middle is a huge fire pit, filled with fuel and tinder and all that shit. Boxes of matches sit by the fire pit. Everyone sits down on the stone campfire area. I sit between Katniss and Enobaria, stretching out one leg and bending the other one. Once again, I notice Cato staring at me.

Boggs bends down by the fire pit and strikes a match. He tosses it in and the fire starts. He drops a pile of newspapers by the fire, presumably to use as fuel when the fire runs low.

"Thank you!" we all shout as Boggs goes to hike off somewhere. "Make up a good story that we behaved!" calls someone, and we laugh at that.

Once Boggs is out of earshot, Enobaria screams, "Newbie initiation time!"

"Girls first or boys?" calls an olive-skinned boy from across the campfire circle.

"I don't know, Gale, your name could go either way," says Enobaria. "And you've only been here a year before. This in my tenth year. I think I get to decide." Instead of more arguing, Amy hands Enobaria a small object. A quarter. "Fine, Foxface. Heads it's girls, tails it's boys."

Enobaria flips the coin. It lands heads up. All us girls breathe out in relief. "Okay, boys first. Come on, girls. Let's go over here." I walk after her.

"Hey, I got a question," I say. "Why is there lots of new boys?"

"Oh, you have to be initiated for your first eight years," says Enobaria. "Otherwise it wouldn't be as fun. Come on, we're still in earshot." All the girls keep walking until we're far out of the enormous campfire circle.

"Johanna?" asks a voice. Katniss. She's back beside me, looking very nervous. "What are they doing? I heard they're dared to get drunk and then rape us behind our cabins and-"

"Don't worry," I say, though that's exactly what I'm worrying about. "If they don't have condoms, I'll get some and shove them on their cocks myself." Katniss smiles tentatively at me. "See? Not so bad."

"It is," Katniss insists. "What about my sister?"

"Your sister?" I ask. "You have a sister?"

"Yeah," says Katniss, leaning up against a tree and staring somewhere off into the distance. "Her name's Prim. She goes here too. She's only 14. She's new, too."

"Um... tell me about her," I say, trying to see what the boys are doing. I want to distract Katniss from worrying the shit out of herself.

"She's really sweet," says Katniss. "She's here for the same reason that I am. She loves music and cats." Katniss keeps rambling.

The campfire blurs in front of my eyes as I strain to look at the large crowd of boys. I can see Thresh standing on a tree stump, talking to them. I really wish I knew what he was saying.

Amy taps my shoulder while Katniss keeps talking, relieving the tension. "Hey, Jo," she says. "I'm gonna go now."

"You're not going to watch the initiation?" I ask jokingly. Amy's face gets slightly angry.

"No," she says. "There's something... I have to do." Amy stares at the ground guiltily. She pulls the sleeves of her sweatshirt down over her hands.

"Well... okay..." I say. Suddenly there's a loud laughing from the group of boys and when I look to see if Amy knows what it's about, she's vanished.

"We're done!" booms Thresh. "Enobaria, your turn."

"Come on, girls," says Enobaria. "This is going to be humiliating and awful if it kills us." She starts walking back to the campfire circle. "Someone put out the goddamn fire!" The olive-skinned boy that asked which gender goes first lugs a bucket of water toward the campfire and dumps it.

"That's Gale," says Katniss's voice from beside me.

"How do you know him?" I ask her. I'm more interested in how good Gale looks in those sweatpants.

"He's a friend of my family. Anger issues," Katniss says. "Oh, shit." I blink, wondering what made her swear. Thresh is handing Enobaria an empty beer bottle. So, why is Katniss... oh, _fuck! _

"Yes, yes!" says Enobaria dramatically. "Pair up, everyone! As usual, boys, grab a random girl and sit behind them. For you newbies, this is our version of Truth or Dare. This is your initiation. Boys, you're only here to make this more embarrassing for the newbies. If your partner has to do a truth or a dare, you don't have to. If we got an uneven number, than fuck that. Get one of the already initiated girls to be your partner."

The boys come toward us. Suddenly someone grabs my wrist and drags me to the campfire circle. They sit me down, and then they sit directly behind me.

"Hey," says the boy. I turn around so quickly my neck hurts. I find myself staring into a familiar pair of dark brown eyes.

"Cato," I snap. That note made me get on edge about him. "What do you want?"

"For you to meet me after this all is over," says Cato, smirking at me. Somehow, the smirk is so sexy that I find myself staring at his lips, the way he flicks out his tongue to wet them instead of swirling it around his lips in a circle...

_Snap out of it, Mason! _I chide myself. I can't let myself fall in love with him! He's a complete asshole!

"And now I have to," I tell him. "What do you have of mine, anyway?" That smirk again... that really sexy look... damn.

"Why do you have to?" Cato asks. "No, don't tell me. You can't resist this." The smirk.

Holy fuck...

"No," I say, lying through my teeth. "I made a deal with Enobaria."

"Oh, you can never say no to her deals. Last time I ignored one of them, she literally bit me," agrees Cato. The smirk. Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit. I feel like I'm fucking melting. He's just so sexy it's unbelievable.

"Okay!" says Enobaria. She sits right by the fire pit with the bottle. She sets it on the ground and spins it around. It lands on Glimmer and a blonde-haired guy. Glimmer bites her lip. "Truth."

"Picking truth is for pussies," says Cato in my ear. I can't help but stifle a laugh. For some reason, then, I forgot where I am and lean back into him. He doesn't even startle, but I sure do. I forgot I wasn't sitting next to a wall or in a chair. But then Cato's got his arms around me, keeping me there. "No worries," he says. "I won't let you pick truth. I'll say 'dare!' in a girly voice if I have to." I bite my lip. I really, really want to laugh right now.

I can't help but feel the warmth of his skin, the feeling of his breath on my head, his six-pack... Goddamn it, why am I thinking about this?

_"Miss Mason, we have diagnosed you with drug addiction and sex addiction," proclaimed the nurse, balancing a clipboard._ I still remember that day. That day when my parents found my pill bottle stash and took me to the doctor.

Sex addiction. That's it. The sex-addicted part of me wants to fuck with him. Then again, he's a sex addict too...

"Um..." says Glimmer uncertainly. "Well, I forgot how many. Maybe twenty?"

"Boyfriends?" murmurs Cato. This time I can't help but giggle.

"Nah," I say. "It's got to be hours since she last had sex." Cato laughs, and I can feel him laughing. I see Glimmer and the blonde guy get up and leave the circle.

"What's that about?" I ask Cato.

"To make it less long," he says. "We don't want it landing on Glimmer multiple times." I nod. I get it now.

Enobaria grins. "People who've called her a bitch in the past day," she calls. "Twenty. Wow, I thought it'd be more. Anyway." Enobaria spins the bottle again. It nearly lands on me and Cato, but then it moves several people to my left. A younger girl with long blonde hair and a shy look and the gay guy Katniss called 'Peeta'. Someone taps my shoulder. I see Katniss one person away from me paired with Gale.

"Psst!" she says. "That's my sister, Prim."

"She's sweet," I whisper back.

"Truth," says Prim quietly.

"'Kay..." says Enobaria. "Are you a virgin?"

"Yeah," says Prim very shyly, looking at the ground. I can only hear her because she's close to me.

"Um, can you say that again?" asks Enobaria nicely to Prim.

"I am," says Prim louder, staring at the ground.

"Well then," says Enobaria as Prim and Peeta leave. "Let's keep this going." She spins the bottle again. It whirls around, and then, suddenly, it lands on me and Cato.

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**Sorry for the horrible cut-off. Remember, review! I'd love to know what you all think of this story so far. :)**


	4. Knives and Dares

**Thanks to Catching Fireflies, shady66730, TGPH, IAmToLazyToLogin (guest), Guest, and Carly (guest) for reviewing! Since 3 out of 6 of you are guests, I'm going to reply in my A/N here.**

**Catching Fireflies: Lol I've always thought Peeta should be gay.**

**shady66730: Sorry, sorry! I hate really long chapters, and their truth or dare would make it too long in my opinion. That's why the bad cutoff. Go gay Peeta! Weird, all the logged-in reviewers had something to say about gay Peeta... Also, I like your pairing name for Johanna and Cato (Johato) so I'm using it from now on. :)**

**TGPH: Again, sorry... This is a Johanna/Cato fic. But there might be another one of your favorite Peeta pairings *coughGalePeetacough* **

**IAmToLazyToLogin (guest): Thanks for reviewing, even if you're too lazy to log in, lol.**

**Guest: Well, here's the next chapter you're waiting for! Hope it's all right :)**

**Carly (guest): You get a three finger salute! *virtual three finger salute* Your review made my day! **

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"Um..." I say uncertainly. Suddenly my mouth feels like it's full of sand. Then Cato snaps me back to reality when he moves forward so his head is right next to mine.

"Truth is for pussies," he reminds me. I'm not looking at him, but I'm about ninety-nine point nine percent he's smirking. I would laugh, but I'm too nervous.

"Dare," I tell Enobaria. She looks at me with an odd expression on her face. Pity?

"Do your best Glimmer impression," says Enobaria.

"Hey, yo!" shouts Thresh. "That's one easy dare! And Glimmer isn't even here!"

"I think it's fine," snaps Enobaria.

"That's cause you're her friend," insists Thresh. "For that, Johanna has to do two dares and two truths."

"What the fuck?" I can't help but say. "This isn't my fault!"

"Only fair," says Gale, grinning. "Better be good ones, Enobaria."

Across the circle, Rue sits in front of Gale. She gives me a sympathetic look and bites her lip.

"Okay," says Enobaria. "Fine. You picked dare, right?" I nod. "What the fuck... um... Oh! Got one." I look at her, hoping my nervousness doesn't show in my eyes. "Break into the security headquarters. You know where your cabinet of 'restricted items' is?"

"Mm-hm," I mumble, swallowing hard.

"Well, break into it and get all of your stuff back," says Enobaria matter-of-a-factly.

"What?" I exclaim. "I can't do that!"

"With..." Enobaria looks around the circle. He eyes alight on me. Or something behind me. "...Cato."

"What?" me and Cato say at the same time. He leans forward, gripping my right shoulder. I turn my head slightly and see him licking his lips in that adorable way, flicking out his tongue. For some crazy reason, I really want to feel that tongue doing that to me between my legs...

_THIS IS NOT THE TIME TO WANT TO HAVE ORAL SEX WITH CATO! _I scream at myself.

"Sorry, bro," says Thresh. "Have fun, you two. If you're not back in half and hour, than we're coming and getting you." Cato stands up behind me. I start to stand up, but suddenly he's already pulling me off the ground.

"Come on," he says. "We better get going." I can't tell if he's angry, or glad, or anything, really.

We start walking back toward the camp. For a minute, all I can hear is the branches snapping under our feet, the sound of my breath, and the crickets chirping. Then Cato, who's in front of me, turns around and stops. We're in view of the security headquarters.

"Johanna," he says quietly. The sound of him saying my name makes me stare at him.

"What is it?" I ask him.

"Want to stop at my cabin?" Cato asks me. "I got a knife in there. Might make it easier to break in." I wonder how he got a knife in. I remember that Effie didn't strip-search us, and I decide I don't want to know where Cato hid the knife.

"Fine with me," I say. Just then, I get the most spontaneous thought. Maybe while we're breaking in, we can get Cato's stuff too. "What do you have in your cabinet, anyway?"

"The knives they found, loaded gun," says Cato. I wisely don't ask about the loaded gun. I grew up in a bad neighborhood, where it was customary to have a loaded gun somewhere on your person.

"And how much do you want to get that back from them?" I say. He looks like he's about to smirk again, but then he realizes what I'm saying.

"Are you serious?" Cato asks. But he's smiling, so I know he's not angry. "A lot."

"Then let's stop at your cabin. Then we'll break in," I tell him. Yes, he's smiling. Oh my God, his smile is just amazing. I feel myself smiling too. For a moment, we just stare at each other, grinning. Then Cato starts walking toward Cabin Six, his cabin. I follow him.

He kicks open the door. "It gets stuck," he explains to me in a quiet voice as we step in. Thankfully, it's empty. Cato makes his way to a bottom bunk with an empty top bunk. He flops on the bed face-up and reaches under one of the boards under the top bunk. He pulls out a medium-sized knife.

"Got it," he hisses to me under his breath.

"Remind me," I say. "Why're we whispering if no one's in here?" Cato realizes how quiet he was talking and starts to laugh. I laugh too, because I like Cato's laugh so much. Sex addiction kicking in full-time. His laugh makes me want to grab him and let him fuck me. His laugh! Shit, I've got it bad.

"Okay, let's go," I say.

"Wait a sec," says Cato. He sits up on his bed and reaches into a backpack. He pulls something out from it and stuffs it in his pocket. "All ready," he tells me, standing up. I turn toward the door, looking for anyone coming out of the camp director's lodge. No one.

I hear this really loud smacking noise behind me, and I spin around to find Cato clutching his head exaggeratedly. "Fuck," he says. "Hit my head on the fucking bunk bed. I think I'm dying."

"Die on your own time," I say, laughing. "We have fifteen minutes left." Cato uncovers his head and grins at me. "Wow, I thought you'd be bleeding. You'd need a thick skull not to," I tell him.

"Fine," Cato says. "If I die on the way there, it's your fault." He stands up, and we start walking to the security headquarters. Now we really do have to be quiet, or we'll get arrested. In my case, again.

"So," I say outside the door. "No one's in here?" Cato smirks at me again.

"Of course there're people in there," he says. "The off-duty security guards are in the back of the building."

"This is a motherfucking suicide mission," I say. "This'll be my sixth arrest." Cato looks at me, kind of shocked, as we walk in.

"You've been arrested five times already?" he asks as we try to quietly walk to the area where Cray and Effie searched my stuff.

"Yep," I say. "Three for drug abuse. One for having an unregistered gun. One for sex offenses the night before I was a registered sex offender." Cato grins at me.

"Oh, there's mine," says Cato softly, pointing to a small cabinet, more like a drawer really, in the wall. He takes out his knife. There's a lock on the drawer. I look at him uneasily. "Go get yours. Come on." I walk around the room, trying to remember which cabinet is mine. Then I see a few large pills spilled on the floor under a cabinet. Found it.

"How am I supposed to get this open?" I ask. I grab at the flimsy lock and try to break it. I completely fail at it, and stumble backward into a table. "Shit!" I hiss. "Cato? A little help here?" Cato's cabinet is open, and he's rummaging through it.

"Huh?" I hear his say. His cabinet closes and he relocks it.

"Open the fucking cabinet!" I whisper. "How did you open yours?" Cato comes over to me. He puts one hand by the lock and the knife on the other side and in a swift motion, it breaks.

"How'd you-" I start to ask him, astonished.

"Just get your stuff," says Cato. "We have five minutes." I open the cabinet and stuff pill bottles in my pockets as fast as I can. I run out of space and stuff pill bottles down my shirt, which I tuck in so my drugs won't fall out. I close the door of the cabinet and position the broken lock, trying to make it look like it's intact.

"Cato, are y-" I start. Then I hear a noise behind me. "Fuck, fuck, fuck! Cato, go!" I say. I shove him forward and we trip out of the HQ and run toward the campfire circle as fast as we can. I feel a slipping sensation near my hip, but I don't pay it any mind.

We run back into the circle just as Enobaria is getting up to look for us. "Good," she says. "Wow, you got in them?"

"Thanks to him," I admit, pointing at Cato, who's sitting down. I sit down in front of him. "He ripped the locks off somehow with a knife and his hands." Enobaria nods appreciatively.

"Okay. Now for your first truth," Enobaria says, twirling a piece of her curly dark hair. She thinks about it for a second. "Who would you fuck in this camp if you had to pick one?" I can feel Cato behind me, every part of him. I open my mouth, about to say something snarky back to Enobaria.

But suddenly, a "C-" comes out of my mouth. What? I nearly just said Cato's name? I quickly transform it into a "Kiss my ass, Enobaria. You just want to get laid." Everyone laughs.

"No way, Mason," says Enobaria, grinning at me. "Spit it out. Who?"

Thankfully, I've thought of something to say. "Myself," I tell her promptly. Laughter echoes around the circle.

"No, really," says Enobaria. "I know you and you aren't gay."

"I'm not," I agree. "But I brought some stuff from my cabinet..." I let my voice trail off suggestively. "Drug addiction and sex addiction. You forgot the second." Enobaria smiles at me like she doesn't believe me.

"Now for your second truth," says Enobaria. "Since dares take longer. Oh, and Johanna? Can you go get my sweatshirt from the cabin?" She raises an eyebrow at me like she doesn't want that. I get it now- she wants to talk to me.

"I don't know where your bunk is," I say. "I'd probably end up giving you Rue's sweatshirt." Rue grins at me from across the circle. Enobaria sighs.

"Fine. Let's go," she says, getting up. "Intermission."

"Fuck time?" asks Thresh, eyeing us.

"I wouldn't fuck her even if I was gay," I call to him. Me and Enobaria walk quickly to Cabin Five. She opens the door and sits down on Amy's bed.

"Um... Johanna," she says. "This might be a touchy subject. And I totally understand if you don't want to do what I say or talk about what I want you to. But... did Cato... hurt you in any way?"

"No," I say, unsure what she's asking. "Well, he had a knife. And he has a lot now. And a gun."

"What?" says Enobaria, startled. She pulls a maroon sweatshirt with a D2AU on it over her head. "He got his stuff? Whose idea was _that_?"

"Mine," I admit. I wonder why she's trying to get at.

"What the fuck?" Enobaria says, almost falling of the bunk. "God, Johanna, no one told you?"

"Told me what?" I ask. Something must be wrong. I can tell by her voice.

"I'll tell you later, okay?" says Enobaria quietly. "Just... Johanna, I don't want you to end up hurt."

Suddenly, someone bursts into the cabin. Enobaria jumps up so quick she hits her head on the bunk. I have my fists ready to hit someone. Then I see that the person is... Rue.

"Johanna! Johanna!" she cries. Literally, she's crying. Tears streaming down her terrified face. As pale as her skin can get.

"What is it, Rue?" I ask, running to her. She buries her face in my black shirt and wraps her skinny arms around me. She's crying too hard to say anything. She grabs me and Enobaria by our wrists and starts dragging us out the cabin. We trip down the sidewalk toward the camp bathrooms.

Rue opens the door and her crying gets even worse. Why? I don't know, because Enobaria, who's a few inches taller than me, is in front of me. She has her hand up by her mouth.

"Oh my fucking God," Enobaria whispers. "Oh my fucking God." I stand on my tiptoes, but I can't see what's inside. I shove Enobaria aside, which is harder than is sounds due to her being totally petrified with horror.

And what do I see? Not Effie having a heart attack. Not Cray raping someone. Not Gale (who I'm pretty sure is gay, he kept looking at Peeta in a weird way) and Peeta having gay sex.

But instead, on the slightly damp floor, lies Amy, a knife in her hand, blood soaking her.

Somehow, I know- she's going to die if we don't do something.

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**No, no, no! I wanted to get in a nice after-campfire Johato scene! Argh, I disappoint myself. But it'd be weird if the chapter ended anywhere else. **

**As usual, review! I love to know what you think of this fanfic. Anything I could improve? Just tell me. :)**

**And also- sorry to say this, but I'm going to be going to camp for this next week- Sunday through Friday. I will have no laptop to type on, much less internet connection. So I won't be able to update OR draft my next chapter some more. Just telling you all. **


	5. Not An Addict

**Wow, I was really happy with the response to my last chapter! I can only hope this one is as good.**

**Catching Fireflies: Lol I only now noticed it said AU... Btw, everyone, if you're wondering what the D2AU on Enobaria's sweatshirt means, YOU'LL FIND OUT SOONER OR LATER... **

**Everlasting Silence (actually, shady66730 logged into their account): Ex-act-ly... You just about guessed the ending to this chapter. And yeah, Enobaria is really freaked out because she thought Cato hurt Johanna. **

**PotionsForSev: Okay, first of all, I love your pen name... never mind. Anyway! Off topic again, but thanks for being the only person to favorite the Dudley and Harry Rap. (Everyone else, in case you like the Harry Potter series, I have a rap song about it posted here). Now to get to your review... :/ Glad I took you by surprise! Thanks for saying that, it made me feel happy. :)**

**Juliet's Shadow: Thanks so much! I hope this chapter is good too.**

**Ooh! Guess what, everyone! I found pictures for all my fanfics! YAY! I even found an Eminem pic for Hungry for THG! In case you don't see what the pic for this is supposed to be, it's supposed to be the cover of Eminem's album, Recovery (which I've recently gained newfound appreciation for...) But Image Manager fucked it up. Now it just says COVE with a backward E. :)**

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_"And love is evil, spell it backwards, I'll show ya."_

_-Eminem, from "Space Bound"_

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"Johanna," says Enobaria under her breath. "Go get Boggs." A sick feeling is churning my stomach. I stand there, paralyzed. "Run!" Enobaria pushes me toward the sidewalk. My feet start moving on their own. I fall off the step we're standing on before the bathroom and land on my ass hard on the sidewalk. For a second, I kind of crabwalk backwards. Then, I get to my feet and start to run.

Thoughts run through my head at the speed of light. I think about Rue, and how I want her to stop crying. I think about Amy leaving the fire circle... and me letting her.

Suddenly, unexpectedly, I smack into something or someone tall and sinewy. They're running the same way I am. I find myself screaming like a little girl as I smack into its back. We start tumbling, tangled together in a knot toward the cabins. I don't have time to brace myself before I smack the left side of my body into the step before the door of a cabin. That's when I feel the flesh in my right knee ripping.

I scream and try to kick away from whoever's got me trapped here. Blood trickles down the cut in my knee, and when I kick the leg, there's a horrible noise.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!" I scream at the top of my lungs. I kick out with my only free leg -the right one- and my foot slams into someone's balls. I hear someone else scream in a familiar voice,"What the FUCK, Johanna!"

I sit there for a second, about to kick again. Then I cautiously ask, "Cato?"

But before the person can answer, someone runs down the hill toward us and shines a flashlight in my face, screaming, "Oh my goodness! Oh my goodness! Get up, both of you!"

Hands pull me and Cato -I can see his familiar face now- apart. I roll over so I'm staring at the sky. I try to get up, but a wave of dizziness overcomes me and I end up sitting on the step before the cabin with my head between my legs.

"Breathe, Johanna," says a gruff voice. "You're going to be okay. Everything's going to be okay." I think the voice is Boggs, but I can't be sure. I focus on breathing in and out. In and out. In and out. In and out. Don't pass out.

When I'm sure I can breathe right, I sit up. My vision is blurring, for some crazy reason. I look down at my right knee and nearly puke. It's slashed deep, almost to the bone, and I can see a knife hilt sticking out of the side. Blood soaks my jeans, which are ripped at both knees. My hands are both scratched up from scraping them on the sidewalk.

"Oh my goodness! Boggs! Boggs!" screeches the first voice. "Cato has a knife! A _knife_!" I look over and see a team of security guards, along with Cray, dragging Cato off of me. "He attacked poor Amy _and _Johanna!"

I'm pressed up against the door, overwhelmed. The look on Cato's face as he tries to break free from the guards is filled with rage and shock. "It wasn't me!" he screams at the top of his lungs. "It wasn't!"

"You don't need to lie," says a security guard.

"I'm not, Thread!" insists Cato, straining against the arms holding him back. The guard -Thread- shakes his head and raises an eyebrow at Boggs. "I WOULDN'T JUST HURT SOMEONE LIKE THAT!"

"Mr. Blair," says Thread, the guard. "I believe the court would say otherwise." Cato's eyes widen. I have a feeling that this conversation is spinning out of everyone's control.

"You wouldn't!" Cato scream in Thread's face. "That's not fucking fair! I've been here less than a DAY!"

"As fair as what you did to Amy and Johanna?" asks Thread. Cato opens his mouth, ready to spit something back at Thread, but instead he just kind of goes limp.

"Fine," says Cato, staring at the ground. His voice is filled with anger and bitterness. "Ask Johanna. Ask her if I hurt her on purpose." Thread looks over at me. I imagine the thoughts in his head. I'm just a recovering drug addict girl who is practically bleeding to death. I won't be able to provide accurate information. In fact, any information that I provide probably isn't right.

But before Thread can ask, Cato stares at me. "Johanna," he says.

His eyes are so pleading. They want me to prove the guards wrong. But he had a knife, and- oh shit! He had his stuff from his cabinet! Oh my God.

"Tell me what happened. You went somewhere with Enobaria. What happened then?" Cato asks me evenly. He stares right at me. "Come on, Johanna. You can tell me."

Something makes me open my mouth, and tell the truth. "She got her sweatshirt and asked me if you hurt me," I tell Cato. "Then Rue came in crying and dragged us to the bathrooms. We found Amy with a knife in her hand and slit wrists. Then Enobaria told me to run for help. I started running down the sidewalk. I ran into you."

"Miss Mason," says Thread. "What way was Cato going?"

"The same way I was. He was running," I answer. "Then we slid down to the cabin. I hit the step and Cato slashed open my knee."

"By accident or on purpose?" Thread asks. He's taking notes on a small notepad.

"I don't know," I say. "Everything was kind of blurry after that." Cato does that sexy lip-licking thing and stares at the ground.

"Mr. Blair," says Thread to Cato. "Tonight, you will be sleeping in the camp hospital."

"Why the fuck?" snaps Cato.

"Because it's the most guarded building," Thread fires back.

"Come with me, Johanna," says Boggs, pulling me to my feet. "Can you walk?" I nod. I take one step and nearly hit the dirt. I make myself get up, though. I don't want to have to be carried up the hill again. I do let Boggs put an arm over my shoulders as we walk up the hill. "Anything else hurt other than your leg?" Boggs asks me.

"My pride," I hear myself say. Boggs chuckles softly. Then the expression on his face gets more serious.

"I need you to keep talking," he says. "It's very important that you don't pass out now. Let's see..." His face gets thoughtful. "Tell me about something... you care about."

_Something I care about? I can't do that_, I think. _I can't even remember what I care about. _The combination of withdrawal, pure shock, and blood loss is making me feel like I'm high. So I open my mouth and find myself talking. Not about my family. Not about my concern for my newfound friends. But who I am. And drugs.

"My name is Johanna Mason. I am twenty-two years old. I've had the most near-death experiences of anyone that I know. I nearly died a bit ago because I overdosed, blacked out, knocked my head on the bathroom sink, and went into a coma." I find myself rattling off random information. "The court decided that I needed to come here. If this doesn't work out, I'll be forced into actual rehab." We're almost at the security HQ now.

Then I realize something in the back of my mind- inside the HQ are two cabinets with obviously broken locks, and signs that someone's been there- because of me and Cato.

I need to keep talking. "The doctors tell me that when I'm not on drugs, my sex addiction gets worse. I have crazy mood swings all the time. The doctors don't know I feel like I'll never be able to be happy in my life. I might seem pretty normal, act pretty normal, but I'm not," I tell the air. I'm not even sure if Boggs is listening. "When I'm on drugs I'm happy. It makes me feel... good, you know? Like if I was constantly on drugs, I'd always feel good. I think that if I was always high than I'd live better. I think that there's no such thing as a drug addict. It's a good thing. Like, I don't know, eating healthy a lot. It makes me feel good, so I just do it."

We're at the HQ. Boggs opens the door and steps in, turning on the light. "What the..." he mutters. "Uh, Johanna? You know anything about this?"

"What?" I say hazily. I look down and see a pill bottle and its contents spilled across the floor. Large white pills that right now I want to pop in my mouth and use to make the pain go away. "So?"

"And look here," says Boggs, coming over to Cato's cabinet. "Lock broken... and... oh, fuck." He stares at the empty cabinet. "Well, that tells us where he got the weapons." I'm really hoping he'll only notice that, but then he sees mine. "What the...?" He opens the cabinet. It's pretty much empty. I didn't take everything. Wait, I did this?

_No, you didn't! _insists the dizzy, disoriented part of my mind.

_Sure as fuck you did, _says the rational part of my mind. _Don't you remember? _

While I struggle with the voices, Boggs paces the room, looking for more broken locks. Of course, there's no more.

"Mason," he says, turning toward me. "Did you or Cato break into here?"

"Why?" I blurt out.

"Because both of you were found together, away from the rest of the campers. And they're your cabinets," Boggs says. "Tell me: did you?" I look back at him. In my mind, I hear Cato saying, _"Ask Johanna if I would hurt anyone on purpose." _

"I don't think so," I say.

"What do you mean, you don't think so?" asks Boggs. "You either did, or you didn- _stay on your feet!_" I feel like I'm falling for a second. Then I smack into the cabinet wall behind me and struggle to stay on my feet. I accidentally touch the gash on my knee and wince, blood flowing even faster. Boggs reaches for something. He starts talking. "Yeah, we need help up here. She's about to pass out from blood loss, and-"

That's all I hear before I let myself fall to the floor.

* * *

_"Um, Johanna," said a voice over my phone. I checked the caller ID. Annie Cresta. One of my friends. "We need to have a talk."_

_"Go ahead," I told her. "We're talking." My voice sounded weird even to my own ears. I had just taken a few pills. I felt good. _

_"No, like, face-to-face," she insisted. "I'm coming over to your apartment."_

_"No!" I snapped._

_"What do you have to hide, anyway?" Annie asked. I could tell she was trying to sound casual. "You never let me come over. You act weird at school. You don't talk to me enough."_

_"I'm not your fucking girlfriend," I said heatedly. _

_"Why are none of your lights on?" asked Annie. "Don't lie. I'm right outside your apartment."_

_"I don't have shades," I said. "You think I want everyone seeing every little move I make?" My fists were clenched. I heard her knock on the door. _

_"Goddammit, Johanna, let me in!" Annie said into the phone._

_"Why do you want to BE let in?" I snarled. "It's my apartment. I can keep you out of it if I fucking want to!" _

_"Because!" said Annie. "Johanna, I've heard the rumors... people are saying that you have some problems."_

_"Like what?" I shouted into the phone. I'm NOT a drug addict, I just take drugs because I need them. _

_"You're a fucking drug addict, Johanna!" screamed Annie through the door. "You really have problems, Johanna! You can't go an hour without popping another pill! You need to get to rehab or something! There's something WRONG WITH YOU!" Annie bellowed the last part. "ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING! JOHANNA MASON, LISTEN TO ME!" _

_How could she say that about me? That's one of the worst things I've ever had said to me._

_Something must've been wrong. I must've not taken enough pills this morning. I left my phone sitting on a table. I doubted I'd ever find it again. I popped open a pill bottle and shook a few pills into my hand, brought them to my mouth, and swallowed them down. Then I walked back toward the door. _

_"GET THE FUCK AWAY!" I screamed at Annie through the door. I couldn't bear to look at her, so I didn't even open the locked door. "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MY FRIEND! YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT KIND OF STUFF ABOUT ME AND EXPECT TO FUCKING STILL BE MY FRIEND!"_

_"Johanna," said Annie. _

_"GET THE FUCK AWAY!" I yelled. "GET THE FUCK AWAY!" I felt tears stinging my eyes. I punched the door as hard I could and screamed at her, "GO AWAY!"_

_"Johanna," said Annie. "I know you don't want to listen to me." _

_I slid down to the ground, back against the door. I covered my face and tried to get the crying to stop. _

_"But you really need some help."_

_"I DON'T NEED HELP!" I screamed. _

_"I don't want you to do something crazy and end up hurting yourself."_

_"WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT?" I bellowed. I could tell that my neighbors were having a hell of a time living by me. _

_"If you ever need me... I'll be here," said Annie. "I _know _it's not Johanna saying those things. Not you. Remember when we were best friends when we were six? When we said that we'd always be there for each other?" _

_No. I didn't remember. I didn't even remember that we were even best friends._

_"Well, even if you don't," said Annie. "I'll be here. Just remember that." Then I heard the sound of her footsteps walking away from my apartment. _

_I buried my face in my arms and sat there crying._

* * *

I gasp as I wake up.

_It was a dream, Johanna, _I tell myself. _That's in your past. You're here, you're safe._

The day my old friend, Annie Cresta, and I stopped talking to each other. She sent me a text after that day. All she said was she wanted to talk to me after I sorted out my addiction.

And since I still haven't, we haven't talked.

I look down at my leg and get another shock. Instead of a bloody mess, I see a sewn-up gash.

I was out that long?

I get up off the bed. When my injured leg hits the ground, it only twinges slightly. "How...?" I say. I look around. I'm all alone in this clean white room. I'm still wearing the clothes I was wearing last night. I find a door and open it. Outside the door is a picturesque camp. Spread out in front of me is a perfect, sunny day. There's a row of cabins, and some cabins behind it. A strip of sidewalk. I step out of the building I'm in. Where am I, anyway?

Suddenly, it all hits me. Yesterday. Walking to Camp Recovery. Meeting Enobaria, Katniss, Amy, and Rue. Truth or dare at the campfire circle. Breaking into the security HQ. Finding Amy almost dead in the bathrooms. Running into Cato and getting hurt. Talking to Boggs. Passing out in the HQ.

I want answers to all my questions. So it's just as well that I find Boggs standing guard outside the camp hospital -the building I was in.

"Boggs," I say as he starts to ask me something. "Enobaria was going to tell me something. She never got to tell me. Why did Cato come here? Does it have to do with everyone thinking he hurt Amy?"

Boggs sighs. Then he looks me straight in the eyes. "Johanna, I wouldn't tell you, but considering what happened last night, I might as well." I wait.

I'm almost not surprised when I hear Boggs say it: "Cato killed someone."

* * *

**Aaaaaaaand... I'll leave you in suspense, cause this chapter is getting really long. I hope you're happy with it! Any questions? Your opinion on this fic? Favorite characters? Anything? Review it. **

**This is what happens when Anarchy Girl listens to too many Eminem songs. Bitch I'ma kill you! :)**


	6. Recovering Together

**READ THIS! ****Hey! This is cursed to curse. I used to be Anarchy Girl, but I changed my pen name. You like? "The Way I Am" quote?**

**Wow! Again, I was pleased with the response to this chapter. Sorry about the wait, I was being laaaaaazy. Review reply time, everybody! Did you k now that right now we have 20 reviews? That's pretty good for me! :)**

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**shady66730: Thanks so much! You sure did guess right, but I doubt you could guess the person (considering I never mentioned them before...) I hope you like this one! You can actually kind of see that it spells "Recovery". :p**

**nevergone4ever: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! :) I was being lazy while vacationing. Not Rue! Never Rue! *crosses fingers behind back***

**TricksterOfPanem: Thanks! Sorry about that, I love cliffhangers. **

**ANYWAY, GUYS! Do you like my new summary? I keep changing it, sorry. But I had to do an Eminem quote in it! Review for Eminem quotes? Yes? No? Anyway, I bet you want to read the actual story...**

* * *

_"I'm an alcoholic, I have a disease and they don't know what to call it."_

_-Eminem, from "Just Don't Give A Fuck"_

* * *

A hot shower and a change of clothes later, my head is still spinning.

He killed someone...? Here? I think, walking back to my cabin. Just yesterday?

The cabin is buzzing with noise, but when I walk in, everyone goes silent. I walk in, feeling their stares, and climb up to my bunk. For some reason, then, I look down and see the emptiness where Amy should be. I force myself to act casual, sitting so my legs dangle off the side of the bunk.

Glimmer comes up to me. I bristle. I don't want to talk. Not to her. Not to anyone. "So, were you there when he killed Rory?" she asks.

"Who's Rory?" I ask her, puzzled.

"Gale's little brother. He was only fourteen," says Glimmer confidentially. I stare at her, not knowing what she means. "You didn't hear?" Glimmer eagerly. "Rory was found stuffed in a bush, bled to death. With a knife still stuck in him." My eyes widen.

"Cato did that?" I ask her, not caring that I hate her fucking guts.

"Yep," whispers Glimmer.

"Where is he, now?" I ask Glimmer. She shrugs.

"I've heard that he's being held at the camp hospital," Glimmer tells me. "I also heard that he's going to have a trial soon."

"Why put him on trial?" I ask. "Didn't he kill them?"

"We don't know," says Glimmer. "Rory and Foxfa- I mean, Amy, are both suicidal, so they could've just killed themselves."

"Is Amy all right?" I ask.

"That, I really don't know," Glimmer says. "She's not dead, if that's what you're asking." With that, she says, "Thought you should know" and walks away.

Maybe she isn't so bad after all.

* * *

A few minutes later, there's a sharp whistle. "GET OUT HERE!" screams a shrill voice that sounds like Effie. We all trip over each other to get out of the cabin. I stuff my bare feet into flip-flops and walk out.

Effie stands at the top of the hill. "Up here, everyone!" she tells us. She looks very different than how she looked when I met her. Was that really less than a day ago? Because everything has changed since then.

We climb up the hill, sweat beading our foreheads. It's not sunny out, but it's very humid. There's evidently going to be a thunderstorm. When we reach the top of the hill, Effie tells us to form lines. We make lines, facing the cabins. I'm in the fourth line, standing between Thresh and a handsome, bronze-haired guy.

"Hey," says the guy. "I'm Finnick." He digs around in his jeans pocket for something and pulls out a handful of sugar cubes. "Want one?" To answer, I take one and pop it into my mouth, the sugar melting on my tongue. "They're for the horses, but fuck that." I manage to smile at him. "Johanna, right?"

"Yeah," I say, stealing another sugar cube. Then Effie comes up behind us and shrieks, "Finnick Odair!" loudly.

Finnick turns around, dropping all the sugar cubes in the process. "What?" he asks innocently.

"You're not supposed to be eating those!" she says. "It makes your ADHD worse!" Finnick glares and spits out a mouthful of sugar cubes of the green grass.

"Now," says Effie, standing in front of the first row. "As you know, there was a breach in security last night. Someone broke into Cato and Johanna's cabinets and stole almost everything. We know about Cato's. He did that himself. But what we don't know is who took Johanna's prohibited items." She glares, narrow-eyed, at us all. "When asked, all she said was "I don't think so", so you see, this makes it hard to tell who did it."

Effie has a bag with her, swinging at her side. "But," she adds. "We found _this _by the campfire circle." She opens the bag, and I nearly gasp.

All of the things I took out of my cabinet are in that bag.

"So," says Effie. "I'd like you to step forward if you know anything about this." My heart pounds. I want to step forward. I don't want to. I want to claim all my things. I don't want to turn in my fellow campers.

Effie starts walking around us all, through the rows of campers. She whispers things about owning up to the crime. Facing reality. She comes to my row. When she passes Thresh, he attempts to trip her. I smile, almost. At least someone else hates Effie as much as I do.

She stops in front of me and stares deep into my eyes. "If you did it and you tell the truth, you won't be punished," she tells me quietly. I nearly blurt everything out. But then I think of everyone else. I think about how we would all be punished if I told Effie about initiation.

"I didn't," I say. "Give me a break, Effie." I can tell that she knows I did _something_. She stares at me for a second, and then walks on.

No one says a single word to her.

* * *

Effie lets us leave after that. "Go to group therapy now!" she says, shooing us off. She still looks troubled as she walks back into the camp hospital. I wonder if it's true, and both Amy and Cato are being held there. I'm tempted to go see them, but I doubt I'd be allowed.

I follow everyone down the row of buildings until we're at the end of the row, across from Cabin Eight. People start walking into a building. The building is white-painted, and from I can see, very, very large. Probably big enough to have everyone in the camp fit in it.

Soon, it becomes clear what we're doing. Before I came here, I did know what I was signed up for. I heard something about group therapy with the whole camp. I guess that's what we're doing. I walk into the building and find one enormous room packed with campers.

"Listen up!" calls a man's voice. Some of us shut up, but most keep talking. A whistle blows, and then everyone is quiet. "You know the drill. Sit down!" I look around and see that the room is lined with chairs. Five rows. "Tallest in the back!" I feel a hand yank me toward the fourth row. I look over and see Enobaria. She grins and pushes me into a seat. Then she sits beside me. Since everyone is front of me is short, I can finally see the man.

A fairly handsome guy stands in front of us. He looks in his later twenties. He has short brown hair, a clipboard and a whistle and sparkling gold eyeliner. I admit, that's a little weird, but I've seen weirder.

"I'm Cinna," he tells us all. "For those of you that don't know, I'm a therapist. And here's something to keep in mind: I don't sugarcoat things." He lets his words sink in. "If you want to tell me something," he says in a quiet voice, "Don't be afraid to tell me." To my surprise, he doesn't sound happy and cheery at all. He sounds serious.

Then his eyes skim across the room. "Well!" he says. "Time for what I get paid for." He earns a few surprised laughs.

"Okay," he says. "I'm going to go around the room. Each of you, tell everyone something that's weighing heavy on your mind. Me, and anyone else that's not telling, will discuss it with you." Truthfully, this sounds better than the bullshit therapy sessions I've attended. "Let's start with you." He points at a girl with a mane of red hair that reminds me slightly of Amy. She smiles slightly and uncaps a pen.

"Why's she doing that?" I ask Enobaria quietly.

"That's Lavinia. She's mute," Enobaria tells me. I breathe in sharply. Being an addict can be living hell, but being mute would be even worse.

After a minute or so, Lavinia holds up a piece of paper. _My father is going to get out of prison in a year _reads the sign.

"Oh dear," says Cinna sympathetically. "He's the one who cut out your tongue, right?" I gasp. Heads turn in my direction, and I blush.

"Sorry," I can't help but say. "It's just... well, I'm sorry." Lavinia doesn't seem to mind that much, thankfully. She smiles in my direction forgivingly.

"I say you should get an apartment far, far away from him," says Enobaria next to me. Lavinia grins, and my heart twists in pity as I see her pressing her teeth together tightly so people don't see her lack of a tongue.

Cinna moves onto the next person, and I realize that there're only five people before me. I recognize the person as Finnick, from earlier.

"I'm not allowed to fuck myself here," Finnick says promptly, which gets a lot of laughs.

"Well, sucks," says Cinna. "Why don't you just go to the shower house and do it in there? I wouldn't tell." I see what Cinna means about not censoring his opinion.

"Anyone up for joining me?" asks Finnick. "Girls only."

"Me!" shrieks Glimmer.

"Slut," I say under my breath. Unfortunately, Enobaria hears and starts laughing, which sounds like a wounded crow being stepped on.

"Did you hear that, Glimmer? She called you a slut, and she's right!" Enobaria says, laughing some more.

"What?" Glimmer says incredulously, but she's silenced because the person after Finnick is talking.

"Well, sorry to make it serious in here," says a quiet voice. "But I need to get this off my back." Cinna nods and waits. I can't see the person, considering that Thresh is blocking them from view. "I had this really good friend back while I was in college, and she got kicked out from school in high school." I pick at my fingernails, thinking about how that sounded kind of like me.

"She was a drug addict, and she lived in an apartment by my college so we could talk," continues the girl's voice. "She was getting really depressed, and I was worried she'd kill herself." I drop my hands to my lap and crane my neck, trying to see who this person is. "I really want to see her again, because I told her I'd talk to her once she recovered." My eyes are wide.

I can't help it, then. I say, "I'm right here."

Every pair of eyes finds me. Then they look at the other girl. I get up and can't believe what I'm seeing.

"Annie?" I ask. She still looks pretty much the same, but older of course.

"Johanna? That's you, right?" Annie asks, astonished. I see tears welling in her eyes. "You look so different." I bet I do. I had longer hair when I last saw Annie. And I definitely wasn't this slender. During that time, I actually could've been called stocky.

"Yeah," I say, swallowing. "Oh my God, Annie." Tears are sliding down her cheeks, and I fight the urge to cry too. "I'm sorry for what I said." Shit. Now I'm crying too. "You know, last time we talked." I swipe the tears off of my cheeks, but they're instantly replaced with new ones.

"It's okay," says Annie, sniffling. She jumps up out of her chair and hugs me in a way that could be called friendly. "Oh my God." She lets go of me. "I never thought I'd see you again, to be honest."

"I never thought I- I would either," I stutter, swallowing the lump in my throat.

* * *

_"We wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas, we wish you a merry Christmas and a happy New Year..." The voices drifted through my window from outside. Little kids caroling through the streets. I stared out the window and saw them, bundled up, skip-hopping through the streets._

_I used to be like them. Little, innocent. Happy. Brainwashed by sunny days and ice-cream trucks coming down the street._

_I saw something in the window that startled me. My reflection. A face that could be called round. Tied-back brown hair. Red eyes, red from crying. I glared at my reflection. I looked fat and ugly._

_Take some more drugs, a voice in my head told me. They'll make you look better. I silently agreed with the voice._

_I realized that it was Christmas Eve. Time passed so fast. But at the same time, it passed by so very slowly. Merry Christmas, Johanna, I thought. You get to use up a few pill bottles. _

_I flopped down onto my couch and a pile of newspapers fell onto me. They must've been sitting on the top of the couch. I didn't care. I let myself lie there, tired, newspapers covering my chest and stomach._

_Then the voice in my head told me, Johanna... go and take some pills._

_Why? I thought back to the voice._

_You need to sleep. Aren't you tired? the voice taunted me. You can't sleep without them. Suddenly, I realized I couldn't. I got up and walked toward the bathroom. My bare feet slapped against the tiles. I opened the cabinet where I kept my pill bottles and took one out._

_My mind drifted back years and years, and I winced visibly. My dark place. The dark blot I made on the paper when I had to do a timeline of my life in high school._

_I refused, right there and then, to even think about the catalyst of my so called addiction._

_I took the lid off the pill bottle and spilled pills into my hand. I spilled them into my mouth._

_Tears started running down my face as I thought about what happened that day in November. I felt like I had to punch something, so I punched the counter of the sink and let out an inhuman yell. I dumped a half-empty pill bottle into my mouth and swallowed._

_Not much later, I was in a haze of happiness. My rock-bottom feeling before was ultimately, totally gone. I was finally happy. I turned around and the world swirled like a huge kaleidoscope that never stops spinning._

_I heard someone laughing triumphantly. It sounded remarkably like me. I spun around, enjoying the feeling._

_Suddenly, I felt like I was falling? Was I falling? For good? I felt my feet slip off the floor. It felt like I would never stop falling. When would I hit the floor?_

_Instead of hitting the floor, my head smacked into a solid object, and though I felt blood, it didn't hurt the slightest bit. I was too high to even realize that I was high. I was too high to notice that my organs were shutting down. I was too high to know what would happen next._

_I had no idea what happened next, but I was told this:_

_Two hours into Christmas Day, the priest from the church I went to in middle school came into my apartment to wish me a merry Christmas and to help 'heal' me from my 'demons'._

_He found me lying on the floor, my head bleeding with a huge lump on it. One hand reaching for a pill bottle. I wasn't dead. I wasn't unconscious. I was high, and nearly dead._

_They told me he called an ambulance. While it was speeding toward my small apartment, waking up kids that expected Santa Claus to come, the priest tried to talk to me. He asked me if I could hear him._

_I didn't hear him. Even if I did, I wouldn't be able to tell him. I was so high I couldn't speak. _

_By the time I got to the hospital, my family crowding around my bed, I was in a coma that would end two and a half weeks later._

* * *

Annie was never at my bedside at the hospital. She didn't even know about my accident until I was out of my coma. She left me a note on my apartment door that told me to talk to her after I was totally clean, and sworn off drugs.

That never happened. So we never talked.

"Why're you here, Annie?" I ask her.

"My boyfriend got in trouble with a gang," Annie says softly. I remember her boyfriend. He was a really protective guy, the kind that would give anything for his girlfriend. "They broke into his apartment and cut-" She starts crying even harder. "-They cut off his head." My mouth drops open.

"I'm sorry," I say.

"So am I," says Annie. "You know what it's like to lose a loved one." She looks at my shocked face and says, "Your mother told me while you were in your coma. And I'm sorry for bringing it up."

"It's fine," I say, but now I'm crying harder, too. Even though the whole room of people is silent and watching us, I let the tears fall.

* * *

**Please review! I want to know what you think of my kinda-sorta cliffhanger. Guesses on what happened on 'that day in November'? Guesses on who the loved one is and what happened to them? Because it's very important and it's the cause of Johanna's addiction. **

**And since birth, I've been CURSED with this curse TO just CURSE... Like my pen name? :P**


	7. Prayers and Rue

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**Later you will learn about the cause of Johanna's addiction... *rubs hands together evilly* But right now, I'm going to do some shoutouts! **

**Thank you to those who favorited: Catching Fireflies, Mlasian, PotionsForSev, THGgoddess4ever, and TricksterOfPanem. **

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**And yes- not one, but TWO Eminem quotes! :D Because these both inspired this chapter. **

* * *

"I got a letter from a fan, that said he's been praying for me every day,

and for some reason it's been weighing on my mind heavy...

I've already told you at least a thousand times in these rhymes:

I appreciate the prayer, but I've already got God on my side."

-Eminem, from "Careful What You Wish For"

* * *

"Know you just had your heart ripped out and crushed...

...Of the first tour, the last tour, he was still alive.

And it hurt sore, fast forward, sleeping pills'll make me feel alright."

-Eminem, from "Going Through Changes"

* * *

I line up in the lunch line behind Enobaria and Rue. Behind me is Annie, who is apparently my new overseer to make sure that I eat. I feel a pang in my heart as I remember Amy making sure that me and Rue ate.

As I grab a bag of potato chips, a quiet old voice says, "Hello, Johanna." I startle turn to see Wiress, the electrician/lunch lady.

"Uh... hey," I say, raising a hand awkwardly in greeting.

"How are you?" she asks me quietly. Her old, wrinkled face betrays concern and skepticism.

"I'm..." I say as I search for a word. What am I, anyway? I'm a recovering addict, so how should I feel? I just re-met my best friend, so I should be happy. Then again, I'm so sad for her and she brought up the cause of my addiction... "I don't know," I answer Wiress as she hands me an apple. Wiress nods sadly.

"I've been praying for you, sweetie," she says as if this'll make me better. "God will help you through you dark times." A shiver goes through me. Not because of her thoughtfulness, but because I'm remembering again.

* * *

There was a sharp knock on my apartment door. I was sitting on my bed upstairs trying to untangle my jewelry when I heard the knock. I was attacking the knots with my fingers, chipping nails and loosening the impossible tangles.

"Johanna, will you go answer the door?" My mother's voice drifted upstairs and I got up off my bed. On the north-facing wall, there was a mirror. I looked at my reflection, trying to decide if I should go or not. Did I look so grief-stricken, so sad that I shouldn't be out of my room?

"Johanna," said my father's voice exasperatedly. "Come on down." I sighed and walked down the wooden stairs, wishing that the dark circles under my eyes would disappear.

I opened up our front door to find the local priest standing at the door, his face somber.

"Hello, Johanna," he told me, nodding in greeting. He studied me. "You've grown up so much." Last time I saw him, I was in sixth grade. Now I'm a freshman in high school.

I didn't know what to say back to that, so I kind of just nodded back. The priest looked at my face intensely, as if looking for the telltale signs of grief.

"Is there anywhere we can talk privately?" asked the priest.

"Um, my room," I said automatically. I'd been spending so much time in my room lately.

"Lead the way," the priest said, smiling slightly. I let him step inside of our house, and I started walking upstairs. I could hear him following me. When I got to the second floor, I walked down the hall to the room at the end and opened the door. He walked into my room behind me and I sat down on my bed, leaning against the wall.

The priest sat down on one of my chairs across from me. He looked at me, or at least I thought so. Then he said, "What is that you're doing?" and pointed to the tangled jumble of necklaces and bracelets lying on my bed next to me.

"Oh!" I said, surprised he'd ask that. "I'm trying to untangle my old jewelry." He nodded and looked very seriously at me.

"Very good," he told me. "Untangling thoughts? Old memories from the new?" I didn't say anything, because I knew that he was trying to be all wise again. "Sometimes..." he looked at one of my bracelets, the thread connecting the beads snapped, "...breaking off memories?" I bit my lip.

"I'm fine," I said, but my voice choked off just then as I remembered something about these very same necklaces, earrings, rings, and bracelets. I willed myself not to cry, though. I couldn't cry now, it was stupid to cry. It didn't do any good during that terrible day, and it won't do any good now. No good at all to sit there crying.

"I see," said the priest. The worst thing is, he sounded dead serious, which made me even sadder. "Well, Johanna, I'm here to tell you that we've all been praying for you down at church." If I wasn't so upset, I'd roll my eyes. I haven't gone to church since sixth grade. I could give a fuck less if they're praying for me.

"Johanna," said the priest earnestly, "If you ever need to talk, you know where to go." I kept my head down as he walked out of my room.

I doubt he expected that years later he would be the one to find me almost dead in my apartment.

* * *

I sit next to my new friends at lunch, trying not to think of that memory. Apparently something doesn't look right with my face, because Rue is looking at me weird.

"Everything okay, Johanna?" she asks me.

No. Nothing's okay. I need to take more drugs, wipe away the pain that the memory is causing me.

She's gone, gone for good.

You know how parents tape certain things? Like their little children playing in inflatable pools? Toddlers crawling on the floor? First day of kindergarten? My mom and dad never taped anything at all. They didn't think we needed to spend money for a camera. And inflatable pool? No way, there was too many broken liquor bottles in our tiny backyard to even cut the grass. Crawling around on the floor? No. And me and my three sisters were homeschooled by my mother until we were in second grade, so that ruled out even 'first day of school' pictures.

But when I was very little, I had a friend named Jill who was the daughter of one of my mom's friends from high school. We knew each other from when we were in diapers. Literally. Jill's mother could afford a camera, so every time I was at her house, she would film me and Jill running around being kids. There was one tape, though, I loved to watch over and over. Me and Jill were thirteen, and we were having a sleepover at her house. She told me I could invite someone, so I invited-

No! I told myself that I'd stop thinking about that! I literally could hide under a rock I'm so mad at myself for doing that- after killing myself by bashing my skull in with the rock.

Rue looks at me nervously? Does she see it? The sparkle of light in my eyes? The unnatural brightness? The tears forming? The silhouettes of three people running around in someone's moonlit backyard playing tag at midnight? Then them laughing together? Of course, she can't see those last two. But she knows that something's wrong.

"Um," I stammer. "I, um-" I feel a tear dripping down my cheek, so I get up quickly, my stomach churning unpleasantly. I'm making myself so sick. "I've gotta go to the bathroom. Tell Effie where I went." I shove my way out of the mess hall, tears prickling in my eyes.

I stumble down the hill, and down the strip of sidewalk to the restrooms, hoping no one's in there. I see a bush with police tape encircled around it, and smell the metallic of blood.

I nearly gag. This must be where Rory-

I rush into the bathroom as fast as I can, tears streaming down my face unchecked. I let out a wail, forgetting where I am, facing one of the mirrors on the wall. My knees give out under me and and I feel myself collapse on the floor. I nearly hit myself on the sink -oh the irony, after what happened to me- but my fall stops there and I end up with my face on the cold white of the sink, tears pooling.

I let the tears spill out of my eyes. I think about _her, _how I took that tape of the sleepover from Jill because I had to see it once more. Or twice. Or a thousand times for all I know. I think about my mother and father, how they were so cut off from me they didn't even know I was on drugs. I think about Wiress and how she's praying for me. I think about Cato. I think about so many things it hurts my head.

I let out a loud sob- but then I see a movement in the mirror. And it's not me.

I gulp and whirl around to see Rue staring at me disbelievingly. "J-Johanna?" she stutters.

I'm backed up against the sink, tears trying to dry on my face as they're replaced with more. "Oh my God. I'm sorry," Rue says with wide eyes. "Really." I notice her subtly walking toward a bathroom stall and I realize why she's in here.

"Oh, no you don't," I tell her, blocking her from going in. "Come on, Rue! You really want to be here until you're as old as me?" Rue looks up at me with obviously fake confusion in her eyes. "I'm not falling for that. Rue, you're going to starve to death! Alone! Dead!" I remind her.

"Do you really want to die? Do you really want to?" I say. "Do you want all of your family and friends to be depressed for the rest of their lives?" Rue looks kind of scared now. I can understand that; I'm crying still, and I'm practically shouting at her. Only to keep her safe. I won't let her die. "Do you have any siblings, Rue?" I ask her.

"Five. Younger," she manages.

"How do you think they'd feel?" I ask. I'm hitting too close to home now, by saying those words. But Rue isn't the one getting sad- it's my own experiences that are making me say this. "Think any of them would get older and drink themselves to death? Turn to drugs?" Rue looks like she's about to cry too.

"Johanna," she tells me. "It's okay." She takes a step toward me.

"That's what I'm telling you," I say. "That's what I'm _supposed_ to tell you." Rue ignores me. I feel tears sliding slowly down my face.

"I think we both need to talk to Cinna," she tells me. "Come on, let's go." And without another word, I follow her out of the bathroom, wondering what the fuck just happened.

Then it hits me- I think Rue figured it out. About the cause of my supposed 'addiction'.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! A few things to say.**

**ONE! Reviews are so very very welcome. :)**

**TWO! Has anybody figured out the cause of Johanna's addiction?**

**THREE! I'm back to school, and these next few months are going to be fucking busy, so I'm sorry if I don't update as quickly. :(**

**FOUR! I've got some new fics! Another AU (not as serious as this though) and a 100 word drabble series :D I don't have very many reviews for them so I'd love some feedback. **


	8. Lindsey Mason

**Not much to say! Do you like my new cover, though? It's not really of a camp or anything but it's creepy? And creepy things are fucking awesome?**

**OH! And my new avatar? In case you can't read it (shitty Image Manager fucked it up), it says I heart RAP :D**

**Review reply time! :D**

**DDF (Guest): Haha, it does take a few re-reads, and I don't ask anyone to re-read this unless they want to. Thanks for reviewing! **

**Catching Fireflies: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Have cookies. (::) (::)**

**BestFan00: I'll try to! *mysterious voice* Everything will be revealed... and no, this isn't a sex scene. :/**

**Mlasian: SHH! SHH! SHH! :p ...all I'm saying is, do you think Cato killed him or not?**

**I can't remember who, but someone challenged me to write a chapter with a song quote NOT of Eminem... so here it is! I decided to do that paricular song because it's one non-rap song that isn't corny and bleh. :p**

* * *

"They say grievance has a way of affecting everyone different.

If it's true, how the fuck am I supposed to get over you?

Difficult as it sounds..."

-Eminem, from "Difficult"

* * *

"I feel something so right doing the wrong thing

I feel something so wrong doing the right thing

I could lie, could lie, could lie-

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive."

-OneRepublic, from "Counting Stars"

* * *

The world is blurred like a broken kaleidoscope as I walk up the hill, Rue clutching my left hand in a vise grip. Tears make it hard to see, but I have to get them out of me. I have to cry. _It's only human to cry_, I tell myself as a sob bubbles up in my throat.

Rue knocks on the door of the therapy building. I hear footsteps making their way toward the door, and then Cinna opens the door. His eyes fill with concern when he sees me.

"Johanna? Rue?" he asks. "Come on in." Rue lets go of my hand -otherwise we'd get stuck in the door- and walks in with me.

"Over here," says Cinna kindly, leading us to a fairly small room by the enormous one we were in today. It's like an office, I guess. Desk, computer, small table with chairs by it. It reminds me of school, which makes me even sadder. Rue sits down in one of the chairs and I take the other. Cinna sits in the desk chair.

"You want to talk about it, Johanna?" he asks softly. I nod and swipe my tears off my face. I cough to clear my throat, and then I start to tell my story.

"It was my very first day of ninth grade..." I start.

* * *

_It was my very first day of ninth grade. I was so nervous I didn't eat breakfast that morning for fear I'd get sick. I didn't really live in the best of towns or neighborhoods, so naturally, the schools weren't something to be proud of. They only get worse as you grow older, too._

_I wasn't having as bad a day as I thought. I was terribly relieved that I hadn't been raped in our unisex bathroom. I hadn't even had my lunch drugged- I brought my own lunch. I even had friends to eat with. Annie, my very best friend, and Jill, my second best friend._

_I was in my least favorite class, math, when the teacher got the phone call that changed my life forever._

_All I heard was the teacher saying, "Oh dear! Oh no! Oh, God! Oh, that's terrible! Oh, fuck! Oh, shit! Oh, Johanna! Oh, May! Oh, Tom! Oh, Lissa! Oh, Eli!"_

_I was so startled by my name that I jerked out of La-la land and sat up straight to find everyone staring at me._

_It was this girl in my class, May, that was checking her phone for texts that found out first. Her hand flew to her mouth. The hand holding her phone started shaking hard. And when I mean hard, I mean so hard that her phone slid out of her hand._

_I got up out of my seat, dreading what it could be that made her so startled. I picked up her phone. I could tell it was about dead. All I saw was a text from her little sister, Clara, that said: i'm sorry, i love you- then May's phone died. I didn't want to hand back May's phone- she'd probably break it this time. And she was too busy sobbing to notice anything else._

_My teacher hung up the phone. "Tom, Eli, Lissa, Johanna, and May, follow me," she said. "Leave your books." I followed my teacher out the door, my hands shaking now too. What could've May seen, to make her so scared? I didn't know, and I wasn't sure I wanted to know.  
_

_We followed my teacher right out of the school building and out by the street. She led us to her car and told us to get in. We had no clue where we were going, or what happened. All I remember is getting into that car and thinking, the world ended. _

_When we drove down the street, I noticed the ambulances speeding everywhere._

_None of us talked. We just drove "downtown" -well, it's not really downtown. It's more like a ghetto with one liquor store and the middle school._

_The middle school..._

_And that's exactly where we stopped. That's where the ambulances stopped. That's where the crowds of random people stopped and stared, some even took pictures with their goddamn phones. Oddly, they weren't laughing at all like they would if someone got in a fight at school or some shit. Were they even... crying?_

_My mind started spinning and I felt nausea rising up in my stomach. Oh my God. Was it her? Was it Lindsey?_

_I followed my classmates and math teacher to the main entrance of school. Past the ambulances. Past the crying people. Everything just seemed so numb. Like I couldn't believe what was happening. Like I was having an extremely vivid, terrible nightmare._

_I saw the middle school principal. I recognized her from when me, my mother, my father, Rosie, Grace, and Lindsey came here to register Lindsey for sixth grade._

_I saw Lindsey's best friend. I didn't know her name, but she's a sweet little redhead that wouldn't hurt a fly._

_I saw that one guy that Lindsey would complain of all the time for being a bully._

_I saw the really nice middle-school counselor that I always went to when I was in a bad mood and didn't know what to do about it._

_I saw May's little sister, Clara. I saw Eli's twin brother that got held back a grade. I saw Lissa's little brother. I saw Tom's little brother and sister, right next to each other. And I saw Lindsey._

_The world was spinning around and around in lopsided circles. I was too shocked to cry. I was frozen and everyone was moving around me, running toward the ambulances, the people..._

_And then I saw something that made the pieces of the complicated puzzle that was that day fit together._

_In the hand of Eli's twin brother was the glint of a handgun._

_"No," I said under my breath. "No." I looked at the school again and saw all of them lying there on the steps. Almost twenty of them. A lump rose in my throat and I couldn't get it out. I felt like I was choking, like I was dying, like I was breathing in contaminated, polluted air._

_Why?_

_Because every one of those people I saw were corpses._

_I couldn't stop rejecting the undeniable. I shake my head. My math teacher said something. My name, I think. I couldn't hear her. "No." Lindsey's eyes are wide open in shock, and her hands have been positioned over her heart, where most of the blood is. That's where she was shot. "No." I tried to get to her, because I had to see her. "No!" I shouted as my teacher pulled me away from the cadavers._

_"No! No! No! No! NO!" I screamed, punching at her, at anyone that keeps me from reaching her. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my target. Eli. Eli, whose twin brother just shot up the middle school. Eli, whose brother just murdered my sister._

_I pushed past my teacher and toward him. "You bastard!" I screamed, tears forming in my eyes as I socked him in the face. I had to punch every single inch of him. I just needed to get my anger out somehow. I think I finally did when I heard his nose break._

_I stared at my hand then- it was covered in crimson blood. I saw all those dead bodies lying there on the same steps that I'd walked up on my first day of middle school. I saw the gun in Eli's brother's hand. I saw Eli crying, holding his nose, which was streaming blood. _

_And most of all, I saw Lindsey- my little sister's broken body lying on the steps she would never walk down again. I saw her playing with me and Jill at that sleepover a year ago. I saw her helping me make dinner for our family when Mom and Dad were gone for the night. I saw her smiling up at me, I saw myself tucking her in to sleep just last night. _

_I was just as bad as the school shooter that killed her._

_I sat down hard on the parking lot and slumped over, my head between my knees, my bloody hands in my hair, tears dripping onto the pavement. I felt someone crouching beside me and putting an arm over my shoulders. They smelled like green apples, like my mother. I looked up for one second and saw her there, tears dripping down her face too._

_And for the first time in years, I fall into my mother's waiting arms and cry my heart out._

* * *

**I felt like I did a pretty good job explaining, but in case you didn't get it...**

**Johanna was at her first day of high school, when her teacher got a phone call. It informed her about the school shooting at the local middle school, where Johanna's little sister Lindsey went. The teacher and all of her students with siblings at the middle school went to the middle school. Johanna discovers that almost twenty people were shot and killed, and one of her classmate's brothers killed them all. **

**Review! I think that I did pretty decent :)**


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